That’s right, all 3 novellas in the Mail Order Massacres series – JUST ADD WATER, OPTICAL DELUSION & MONEY BACK GUARANTEE, are now in one collection, aptly titled MAIL ORDER MASSACRES. It’s is officially available today in both ebook and print.
Sea monkeys. 3-D specs. Hypno-coins. Ant farms. Kryptonite rocks. Miniature submarines made from cardboard. All available for a buck or less from the back page of comic books. And we blew our weekly allowance on these rip-offs, only to be disappointed when they turned out to be total crap.
But what if these bogus products had side effects not advertised? In horror master Hunter Shea’s MAIL ORDER MASSACRE, sometimes you do get more than you paid for . . .
JUST ADD WATER
It’s been years since David and Patrick flushed away the dead Sea Serpents they got in the mail. After thriving in the toxic stew of pollution, strange, slimy creatures now rise from the sewers. Once the screaming starts, David and Patrick realize that their childhood pets really did come to life. With a vengeance. They’re massive monsters. . . and ravenous for human flesh!
Martin punishes his son for wasting his allowance on a pair of cardboard X-ray specs. But when Martin tries them on, he’s stunned to see through walls and clothes. But the novelty becomes a waking nightmare when the glasses burn into his face and he starts seeing horrifying apocalyptic visions no mortal man was ever meant to see. Images that turn him from a husband and father to a bloodthirsty homicidal maniac . . .
MONEY BACK GUARANTEE
With her son’s heart set on piloting his own nuclear submarine, Rosemary orders the craft advertised on the back of a comic book. But when her son nearly drowns in the swimming pool, an enraged Rosemary complains to the Better Business Bureau. The company’s customer service center retaliates with threatening phone calls. Then her son and husband disappear. Now it’s all-out war and Rosemary wants her $5.00 back!
I need your help! Please tell me what to read. Let me explain…
It amazes me that with the proliferation of comic book movies, actual comic books, especially ones about superheroes, are not experiencing the same boom. You would think that there would be a comic book shop on every corner, what with Black Panther, a minor Marvel character at best, raking in half a billion dollars. It’s quite the opposite. In the past three years, I’ve seen comic book shops close left and right.
Kids may love to go to the movies, but it sure as heck doesn’t look like they enjoy reading about Batman and Captain America. The average age of the patrons in the comic book shop I go to is about 40. I know reading isn’t perceived as fun for young folks, but reading comics used to be something we all looked forward to. Times are changing.
So are my tastes. I grew up devouring X-Men and Fantastic Four, but now as a man of a certain age, I tend to look beyond the men and women in tights. I want adult stories, horror, compelling scifi.
What I’m looking for are suggestions of what to read. The titles I’ve loved over the past year are HARROW COUNTY, BITCH PLANET, THE CAPE, THE WOODS and SAUCER COUNTY. What books are you reading and highly recommend? Keep in mind, I stick to buying the trade paperbacks. I need to support my local store, so help me fill my shopping cart!
As an added bonus, I’ll select several random people who reply to this post and send them a free ebook. So bring it on, comic lovers!
Once again, the folks at Graphic Audio have knocked it out of the park. The’ve gathered all three of my Mail Order Massacres novellas (JUST ADD WATER, OPTICAL DELUSION & MONEY BACK GUARANTEE) into one absolutely wild audiobook, complete with an astounding cast, monster sound effects and chilling music.
If you click over to Graphic Audio, you’ll get to hear a sample of JUST ADD WATER and hear the ravenous sea serpents begin their assault on the people of Virginia Avenue. This is an audiobook like no other. Listen to it with headphones on at night and I promise it will freak you out!
Severed Press has just brought THE DOVER DEMON back to life. Originally published by Samhain Publishing in 2015, the book was left in limbo when Samhain closed its doors. This little beastie has returned with a kick ass new cover!
Back in 2014, I was at the International Cryptozoology Museum for a book signing on my tour for The Montauk Monster. The museum’s owner is Loren Coleman, one of the most revered cryptozoologists in the world. Loren and I struck up a conversation and I asked him what cryptid I should write about next. He didn’t hesitate in urging me to look into the famous Dover Demon case, one that still baffles everyone associated with it 40 years later.
Over the course of two nights in 1977 during spring break in the affluent town of Dover, Massachusetts, six teenagers spotted a bizarre, bipedal creature scuttling along the dark roads. It appears that all saw the very same being, one of them (Bill Bartlett) drawing a sketch of the anomaly for the police.
Today, a lot of people would say, “Oh, that’s one of those gray alien things.” But you have to remember, this creature was spotted before the iconic image of gray aliens was a thing. Hell, Close Encounters of the Third Kind hadn’t even come out yet. Loren Coleman was called to Dover and was the one to give it its name. Cryptozoologists are still puzzled by what the teenagers saw. They look at it in terms of being a terrestrial animal. UFOologists look to the case as an early example of the grays making themselves known.
A cryptid AND an alien? I couldn’t turn down the challenge. THE DOVER DEMON is both one of my most personal and strangest books to date. So, if you care to take a trip to Dover, the gates are once again open. Beware, you might never be the same!
A little bit of trivia : The man character is a man named Sam Brogna. I named him after a New York Mets short-lived first baseman, Rico Brogna. The man’s career was cut short due to injury, but he lives on in The Dover Demon. Well, sort of.
The Dover Demon is real…and it has returned.
In 1977, Sam Brogna and his friends came upon a terrifying, alien creature on a deserted country road. What they witnessed was so bizarre, so chilling, they swore their silence. But their lives were changed forever. Decades later, the town of Dover has been hit by a massive blizzard. Sam’s son, Nicky, is drawn to search for the infamous cryptid, only to disappear into the bowels of a secret underground lair. The Dover Demon is far deadlier than anyone could have believed. And there are many of them. Can Sam and his reunited friends rescue Nicky and battle a race of creatures so powerful, so sinister, that history itself has been shaped by their secretive presence?
As my old friend from England would say, I’m quite chuffed to give you all a feast for the old eyeballs. Coming this fall from Flame Tree Press is my descent into fear and unbridled terror, CREATURE…
I’m thrilled to join the likes of Ramsey Campbell, Jonathan Janz, Tim Waggoner and more with Flame Tree’s debut horror line. CREATURE will be available in hardcover, trade paperback and ebook. Keep checking in for more details as they become available.
What do you think of the cover?
At the start of every year, the UFO community (which is as bizarre and inexplicable as the phenomena itself) asks if this will be the year for true disclosure. It always puzzles me because as far as I know, that was done decades ago. If you’re looking for the government or ‘experts’ to claim that UFOs are real and in need of further study, well, just dig into recent history. Disclosure came and went before I was even born.
From the acknowledgement of Project Blue Book, to the serious findings and proclamations by the likes of J. Alen Hynek, Nick Pope, countless pilots, police, military and even presidents (both in the US and abroad), it’s all there. We know that there have been strange sightings in the sky for centuries, if not more.
UFOs are real, and anyone who hasn’t been asleep for the past fifty years knows that.
I think when people now talk about UFO disclosure, they mean they’re waiting for definitive proof of extraterrestrials. The problem is, UFOs and ETs are separate topics. We’re talking apples and oranges. Republicans and Democrats. To assume that all UFOS (and by this, I mean the 5-10% that can’t be explained by rational means) are flown by grays or Nordics or reptilians is to dig one’s heels in as much as an unyielding skeptic, therefore blinding oneself to what may truly lie at the heart of the mystery.
Yes, there seem to be strange objects in our skies from time to time. From Foo Fighters to discs, triangles, cigar, mother ships, scout ships, drones, and craft the size of football fields (funny how so many people use a football field as a unit of measure), exceedingly credible people have witnessed them and will swear to what they saw. We have proof in pictures, videos, radar returns and more. Again, UFOs are real.
Unidentified Flying Objects.
Not Alien Drag Racers.
This small yet gigantic distinction is what causes all of the problems. It’s what makes serious newscasters play The X-Files or Twilight Zone music in the background of a mass sighting report. It’s why people in authority cast ridicule on those who are earnestly curious about the subject and cry out for calm, rational study (as in Governor Symington, who mocked The Phoenix Lights when he was in power, but has since made a 180).
It all comes down to aliens. Mother fucking aliens. For a majority of UFO believers, they won’t be satisfied until an alien walks from a craft hovering over the White House and gives the President a high-five. Or having every media outlet crash through the gates of Area 51 and expose the various craft and bodies – alive and dead – they’ve been hiding in the desert all these years. And that makes them fair game for ridicule. Because no one knows who or what is behind these bizarre UFOs, and to make any assumptions and set them in stone is to not see the forest for the trees.
Late this past December, we were presented a powerful bit of disclosure that can and should be a game changer. In the words of many major newscasts and papers, The truth finally came out: the Defense Department has been studying UFOs for years under its Advanced Aerospace Threat Identification Program. In a jaw dropping expose by none other than The New York Times, it was revealed that the 22 million dollar program closely examined cases of UFO encounters with our military. Armed with both credible eyewitness testimony and compelling video footage, the US government has been trying to determine what these mysterious crafts are, how they work, and where they are coming from.
Make no mistake, the government admitting to a UFO program in such a way is a seismic event. The two videos (of a reported twelve), taken by the military, are hard to scoff at. That it was pushed for by Senator Harry Reid is yet another blast in the bombshell report.
And there is more to come. There are 10 other cases that will be revealed bit by bit. Yes, most of the information gathered by the AATIP is classified, but the fact that they consider the objects a potential threat (whether from an enemy nation or beyond the stars) should give us pause and demand to learn more. This is a big moment in our history, and I’m concerned that it will be swept away like so much confetti after New Year’s Eve.
We have to keep our foot on the gas in 2018. We need forward progress and not allow this to slip back into the shadows. Forget aliens! Something has always been out there. But what is it?
There is a ray of hope. Senator Reid is calling for a Congressional hearing on UFOs.
One thing I’ve noticed and abhorred is the amount of backbiting and charlatans that are allowed to attend serious conferences or given valuable air time. For my money, I think the powers that be intentionally give voice to the kooks (Ancient Aliens, anyone?) in order to relegate UFOS to the absurd, a mere form of entertainment.
This is the time when serious researchers, the military and organizations like MUFON need to band together, not hold their ground on misinformed opinions stated as fact. Intensely study the information and videos we’ve been given and collectively push for more. Leave your agendas at the door and take an objective look at the data.
Click the video below to watch an interview with the pilot who filmed his own bizarre encounter and his opinion on its origin:
Hell, even if it all turns out to actually be swamp gas and ball lightning, I want to know. Instead of being disappointed, I’d been fascinated by the incredible things that nature can do.
Renaming them unidentified aerial phenomena isn’t going far enough to cast aside the ridicule intrinsically linked to those three letters – UFO. We shouldn’t let this moment slip from our grasp. And we shouldn’t let the crazies or hard core skeptics lead the charge. Maybe this us the year we learn to set aside our prejudices and assumptions and really get down to business.
Do I think this will happen? No. As I get older, my faith in the rationality of man grows weaker. But there’s always a glimmer of hope. If anything, this should end the cry for disclosure. Now, let’s concentrate on the real questions and find some answers.
It’s that time of the (new) year again. 2017 was a surprisingly strong year for horror flicks. Once you got past duds like the latest Resident Evil and Underworld installments, horror hit its stride with a slew of stellar releases, one of them already on most classics lists. Many of my favorites came out between January and April, which is not the norm. I had a hard time whittling my list down to 13, and some real quality movies just missed the final cut. Basically, I ranked movies based on how much they lingered with me long after the final credits rolled on. There are some controversial picks on here, so strap in and get ready…
#13 – CREEP 2
Mark Duplass is one hawk-eyed lunatic. I loved Creep and was anxious to see what he did with the sequel. Let me tell you, Creep 2 did not disappoint. Stakes were upped, strangeness got, er, stranger, and Peach Fuzz made a reappearance! Best watched in a hot tub with a serial killer.
#12 – SUPER DARK TIMES
As My Chemical Romance once sang, “Teenagers scare the living shit out of me.” This one creeped me out because it seemed so damn real…and terrifying. Set in upstate New York, it’s bleak both in imagery and tone. You’ll remember kids you grew up with that were just like the cast presented here, and you’ll think, “crap, this could have happened to me.” This is one that will stick with you for a long, long time.
#11 – THE DEVIL’S CANDY
From the director who gave us one of my favorite movies, The Loved Ones, this one was on my top 10 list for most of the year, getting bumped at the very end. Ethan Embry gives a stellar performance as a struggling artist caught between a rock and a devilish place. Filled with awesome metal guitar licks and psycho imagery, it’s a can’t miss.
#10 – GERALD’S GAME
2017 was inarguably the year of Stephen King. Unlike most people, IT won’t be on my list. But the adept direction of Mike Flanagan brought King’s most difficult book to life, anchored by the performance of the year by Carla Gugino. It also had the most cringe-inducing scene of the year, bar none. Netflix has knocked another one out of the park. I also suggest you head on over to Netflix to check out another King adaptation, 1922. It’s bleak and haunting, so have plenty of booze on hand.
#9 – SPLIT
Thanks to The Visit, I was chomping at the bit to see M. Night Shyamalan’s newest venture into horror. James McAvoy is brilliant, his multiple personalities putting us all on edge from start to finish. There’s not a wasted frame of film in this tight, suspenseful hostage drama with an ending that had people shouting “holy shit!” at the screen.
#8 – LIFE
I have to say, this one surprised me the most. When I saw the coming attractions, I was like, meh. Boy, was I wrong. Life is the best monster movie of the year. I tell folks it’s like Alien, only brighter and prettier. The creature in this space opera is terrifying and there are some super-sweat-inducing moments. Best of all, they nailed the ending. Life breathed life into the monster movie!
#7 – A DARK SONG
In any other year, A Dark Song might be my top pick. How can I describe it? Dark. Desperate. Bizarre. Creepy. A grieving mother hires a man experienced in the dark arts to bring her son back so she can talk to him one more time and get his forgiveness. You never know whether the shaman is full of shit or the real deal, and what he puts her through is truly torturous. A fantastic movie.
#6 – THE SHAPE OF WATER
Having known about this movie for some time, I had penciled it in as my favorite movie of the year way back in March. It didn’t quite make it, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t a beautiful movie to behold. Imagine a love story between the Creature from the Black Lagoon and a mute cleaning woman. It’s lush and dreamy and at times achingly beautiful, so much so that it’s on the fringe of a true horror movie. Guillermo Del Toro is a master storyteller and his visual aesthetic is this side of stunning. I’m pretty sure I’d love this movie even if the sound was off.
#5 – THE BELKO EXPERIMENT
Now, this is my kind of horror. We all think of the work place as one of the inner circles of hell. Well, your warren of cubicles and backbiting co-workers has nothing on Belko. It’s gleefully insane, bloody and gripping. I rarely watch a movie more than once in a year, but I’ve already seen it three times. The Belko Experiment takes no prisoners. Literally.
#4 – THE BLACK COAT’S DAUGHTER
I can’t say enough good things about this atmospheric, haunting tale by Oz Perkins (son of Anthony “Psycho” Perkins). With a miniscule but fantastic cast, this is one that will linger with you for a long while. The sense of isolation in this blizzard-wracked girl’s academy will leave you shivering. I have to admit, this one bothered me for days. I watched it again to see if I could dispel the feeling, and it only got worse! It also has one of the most realistic and brutal kills of the year. Watch it now!
#3 – GET OUT
Look, I know this is going to be #1 on 90% of lists you see. Don’t get me wrong, it deserves it. Get Out is an instant classic, a Rosemary’s Baby-esque romp into dark territory and creeping dread. I loved it. Jordan Peele knows his horror and has his pulse on the stuttering heartbeat of American society. It’s crackling smart and witty and will keep you guessing all the way to the end. Everyone who loves horror needs to watch this one.
#2 – MOTHER!
I’m not going to lie, this is the most controversial movie I’ve seen in a good long while. Is it horror? It is for me. The building tension and utter confusion had my heart racing for most of the movie. Jennifer Lawrence is simply amazing in her portrayal of a woman in love beset by people and events of Biblical proportions (there’s a hint for you). No movie has set my brain on fire more than Mother! – ever. Not to mention, there are a few scenes that left me breathless and wishing I’d averted my eyes. And that’s coming from an old, jaded horror hound. I can’t recommend this for everyone, but I feel in my gut it’s going to be the kind of movie people talk about and dissect for generations.
#1 – RAW
Yeah, I’m just as surprised that this French import has made the top of my list. Set in a veterinary school that looks like a post-apocalyptic academy run by MDMA-fueled lunatics, Raw was a punch to the gut. Again, we have a small yet killer cast (the Oscars never looking to the genre for best actors is just one of many reasons it’s a sham), off-kilter storyline and moments of incredible gross-outs that easily made it my movie to least forget in 2017. Subsequent viewings have only made it even better. Raw will be on my steady viewing rotation from here until I’m rotting and raw meat.
HAPPY DEATH DAY
Just like The Autopsy of Jane Doe from a couple of years ago, I didn’t see this one until recently, after I had compiled my list. Rather than revamp the entire list, I decided to give it an honorable mention. A self-aware horror take on Groundhog Day, this is witty and fun and guaranteed to make you jump a few times. Shit, even out cat hit the ceiling at one point. If you’re a fan of The Final Girls, you’ll love this.
What do you think of the list? How does it compare to your own? How many have you already seen?
But wait, there’s more! Still looking for more horror movies to catch up on? Take a gander at my Final Guys podcast where I present a slightly different list, along with my partners in crime. Happy bingeing!