Whether they are real or fake, nothing makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up straighter than audio recordings of Bigfoot yelling, screeching and speaking in the woods.
Look, I’m a city boy. The woods without a Bigfoot are big and scary places to me. If you add being surrounded by squatches, well, just bury me under a pine tree and tell my momma I died knowing the truth.
Arguably the most famous of all Bigfoot audio recordings are the Sierra Sounds, captured back in the 1970s. You can hear people interacting with squatches throughout. For you Bigfoot enthusiasts, this is a must listen.
Now here’s one that is quite controversial (aren’t they all?). It was recorded just a few years ago and features a camper having a relatively pleasant conversation with a Bigfoot. Hell, even if this was some dude talking to me in the dark, I’d mess myself.
This one is strange but again, it sucks me down the rabbit hole. Not sure a Sasquatch would speak English, but the interpretation comes from the person making the recording, similar to EVP. You hear what you want to or think you should hear.
Team Squatchin’ USA has a host of Bigfoot audio you can listen to right on their home page. Play it so loud the neighbors can hear and wonder what the hell is going on in your house. Click their logo to go down a deep, dark, wonderful rabbit hole.
This is supposedly a very pissed off Bigfoot pitching a fit. Not sure if I’d stick around to record it, but hey, some folks are braver than me.
Growing up, there were two things that really made me want to have a pair of X-ray glasses. First, they were advertised in just about every comic book I owned. They were cheap (anywhere from a buck to a whopping $3) and you could see through anything, including walls that hid ladies changing in their nightgowns. At least that’s what the images in the ads implied.
Second, I was obsessed with the movie, THE MAN WITH THE X-RAY EYES, starring Ray Milland and directed by the legend himself, Roger Corman. I knew things didn’t turn out well for old Ray (the mean bastard who had his head implanted on Rosie Greer’s body in The Thing With Two Heads), but I would learn from his mistakes.
Needless to say, my parents refused to buy them, citing the fact that they were a ripoff, total crap and would, at best, make me cross-eyed. I have to admit, I harbored a little resentment for a while there. I made my own pair out of cheap sunglasses, but I’ll be damned if all it did was cause me to walk into walls.
Well, I may have never owned a pair of comic book X-ray specs, but I did get the chance to write about them in my latest MAIL ORDER MASSACRES RELEASE – OPTICAL DELUSION.
Set in the late 70’s, I can’t believe I created a cautionary tale about the dangers of X-Ray glasses. I truly have become my father!
If you ever wanted your own pair as a kid, grab this terrifying little novella and be happy you never got ’em. And if you did get a pair, share your story with the class! I’d love to hear how they worked for you and the sheer bitterness of your disappointment.
About the book :
Put on a pair of “X-Ray” glasses and things will never look the same! These almost magical specs will make you the hit of the party! Astonishing three-dimensional X-Ray visions of what your friends—and girls—look like under their clothes! And all for just $1.
THE MORE YOU WEAR THEM . . .
Martin Blackstone punishes his son for wasting his allowance on a pair of flimsy cardboard sunglasses X-ray vision . . . yeah, right. Martin tries them on just for the hell of it—and all they do is give him a headache . . .
. . . THE DEEPER YOU’LL SEE.
Until he sees things he can’t possibly be seeing. Glimpses of things on the other side of a wall or beneath someone’s clothing. He wants to believe it’s just his overactive imagination but the “X-Ray” specs actually work. Then the fun novelty becomes a waking nightmare when the glasses burn into his face and he starts seeing horrifying apocalyptic visions no mortal man was ever meant to see. Images that alter his very personality—from a husband and father to a bloodthirsty homicidal maniac . . .
Because sometimes you can see too much.
If you buy Optical Delusion but didn’t get a chance to read the first book in the MAIL ORDER MASSACRES series, send a screen shot of your purchase to firstname.lastname@example.org. The first 2 people to do so will win a free copy of JUST ADD WATER.
Bigfoot battling Chupacabras to the death! The Jersey Devil squaring off in an aerial fight with Thunderbirds! Mongolian Death Worms rising from the earth to swallow up Mothman! Dover Demons running rampant! Loch Ness Monsters bursting from the Loch to devour villages! The world is overrun with monsters, and only a select few can stop the madness.
Imagine all of that and so much more. Welcome to my Patreon exclusive choose your adventure monthly serial, CLASH OF THE CRYPTIDS!
Starting in September, we’re going to make history together with the first ever choose your adventure horror novel. CLASH OF THE CRYPTIDS will feature returning characters from my past books, including :
Rooster Murphy (Swamp Monster Massacre)
Nick Brogna (The Dover Demon)
Natalie & Austin McQueen, and Henrik Kooper (Loch Ness Revenge, Savage Jungle)
The Willet clan and Norm Cranston (The Jersey Devil)
Dalton Gray (The Montauk Monster)
And a few more surprise guests.
For just $1 a month, you not only get to read each monthly installment, but vote on where the next chapter will take us. A poll will be posted after each chapter and YOU DECIDE the next chapter. For $3 a month, you’ll also be a character that will eventually become cryptid chow. Monsters gotta eat! For $5 a month, you’ll receive a print edition of the book when it’s complete. And all pledge levels get other exclusive access and behind the scenes peeks into my insane life.
So, if you want to be part of cryptid history, visit Patreon today and become a true blue Hellion. We’re taking the cryptid mania right to 11.
Special shout out goes to Jerry Mulcahy for designing some of the best damn artwork for this beast of a book!
Strap in folks. The world’s about to get a whole lot more interesting.
You wanted a Megalodon book, you’ve got it. Even better, it drops right on shark week. I couldn’t have asked for better timing.
Hellions around the world, I present MEGALODON IN PARADISE!
The cover should tell you, this ain’t your typical Meg adventure.
Island life can be deadly.
For Ollie Arias, owning an island in Micronesia is beyond his wildest dreams. Moving his best friends from college to share his dream…priceless. A little urban exploration of the abandoned military lab unearths strange, dark secrets. And awakens a slumbering beast that has gone decades without food. Ollie and his pals have unwittingly unleashed a deadly infection above, and a prehistoric killing machine below. The storm of the century is headed their way. Paradise has never been so close to hell.
So after you’ve watched Michael Phelps race a Great White, click here to order your copy of Megalodon in Paradise and see what a real bad ass shark is capable of. Phelps would have been chum in two seconds with the beastie in this one.