This is the second go around with this post for me. You see, I spent 2 hours this weekend putting together a comprehensive list of my 13 favorite horror flix for 2014. The kicker is that WordPress lost the post entirely. To my credit, I didn’t cry or curse or break anything.
So, here I am again, once bitten, twice shy. My reviews are short and sweet this time around, but you’ll all get the point.
I was very worried that I wouldn’t be able to find 13 horror movies worth noting this year. As of July, Oculus was my top pick. Egads! Thankfully, things picked up in the second half and I had a good group to choose from.
So, before WordPress deletes this post and me in the process, on with the show!
#13 – ALL CHEERLEADERS DIE
Funny, dark, twisted and downright strange at times. Come for the pretty cheerleaders, stay for the ultra strange story. Undead cheerleaders and magic go together like PB&J.
Sexy, gory and deliciously decadent. Paz de la Huerta oozes sex as a nurse by day who kills wayward men by night. A lesbian attachment to a new nurse is the catalyst for a nuclear explosion of a third act with enough blood to feed a colony of vampires.
Another solid horror flick from the James Wan gang. It has some genuinely creepy jump scares and a demon that’ll turn your bowels to water. The Annabelle doll is nothing like the actual possessed doll now under glass in the Lorraine Warren museum. Worth the watch while you wait for The Conjuring 2.
How do you top a movie about Nazi zombies? Pit them against Russian zombies! The comedy in this is as sharp as Dead Alive and the gore is goregeous. I think it’s even better than the first.
I LOVE alien movies. I picked this over Extraterrestrial by the Vicious Brothers because I felt this one was actually more frightening. The scene in the tunnel is worth the price of admission.
If you’re claustrophobic, this movie may land you in the nuthouse. Think Indiana Jones running around the Paris catacombs, that are terrifying in their own right. This is a very, very strange movie with tons of scary imagery. I compared it to the big daddy of funhouse rides.
I scoured the planet to find this Bobcat Goldthwait Bigfoot flick. A squatchman like myself couldn’t resist. The movie starts funny and gets downright eerie. The protracted scene of the couple in their tent makes for the tensest moment in horror cinema of the year.
This came out of nowhere and shocked the hell out of me. A ‘found footage’ possession movie that works! The actors look like real people and the mystery and scares are genuine. A great find on Netflix.
The Aussies know how to do horror. Mr. Babadook is a Dr. Caligari-esque children’s book that goes on to possess a 7 year old boy’s mother. Or is she? Turns out, she blames the boy for the death of his daddy on the day he was born. Great performances and a nuanced story with some super creepy moments.
I’m a Ti West fan, and I think this is his strongest movie yet. Set in a Jonestown-type compound, what makes this chilling is knowing that something like this can and has happened. The performance by Gene Jones as Father, the head of the cult, is the best of the year.
Another alien movie, this one centers on a young couple on their honeymoon at a family cabin during off season. Starring Rose Leslie (Ygritte on Game of Thrones), this one is sexy, scary and at turns, gut churning. A must watch.
Demented. That’s all I can say about this one. Oh, and funny, desperate, tragic, sick. Two down on their luck old friends get pulled into the orbit of a couple who make them do dumb shit for money. How far would you go to make easy cash, especially when you’re in desperate need of some greenbacks? Love this movie.
I know this won’t top anyone else’s list except maybe Bobo from Finding Bigfoot. What I loved is that this is a squatch movie where you actually see Bigfoot – and he’s pissed! Bigfoot has never been more terrifying. Fans of my book Swamp Monster Massacre will know exactly why this is my top flick of the year. Give me angry squatches and I’m yours.
Let me start off by saying 2014 has been the worst year for horror movies in recent memory. Searching for anything new worth watching has been like hunting for truffles with a pig with a sinus condition.
Theatrical releases have been paltry to say the least. When OCULUS is the movie to beat, things are bad. So naturally I was chomping at the bit to see AS ABOVE, SO BELOW. I don’t think I’ve logged on to Twitter in the past month without seeing a tweet about the movie. Their marketing push has been big time (and if I’m seeing it all the time, they know their target audience). Plus, the catacombs under Paris have always intrigued me, so it became a must-see.
Now, be warned, this is yet another found footage flick. Once I realized this, I was accepting that there would be logic holes, as in – why the hell are they still filming when they should be running? And I knew there’d be enough shaky handheld camerawork to make my lunch bubble up my esophagus.
That being said, I actually enjoyed the movie. Like Alien and The Descent, it preys on our fear of the dark and tight, cramped places. The only thing that can make it worse is the knowledge that something sinister is lying in wait in the stagnant pitch. If you’re claustrophobic, you might want to bring a Xanax to the theater and the number to your therapist.
Although it takes a while to get to the actions, once it starts, it never lets up. Yes, there are jump scares that you see coming, but even a hardened vet like me was given a start several times. It’s loaded with creepy sounds and images that after a while make it feel as if you’ve jumped on the haunted house ride from hell. Speaking of hell, if priests could convince people that what lies within these catacombs is a preview of an eternity in hades, churches would have to be expanded to house everyone with a pulse.
The story centers around a young, pretty professor named Scarlett who is the female equivalent of Indiana Jones. Her lifelong search for the fabled Philosopher’s Stone, that alchemistic magical stone that can turn common elements to gold and grant eternal life, has brought her to the catacombs under Paris. With a seasoned team of urban explorers, she hurdles without trepidation to a place far deeper and more terrifying than corridors lined with bones and skulls.
I’m not going to spoil things here. The acting is better than most found footage films and the story, though weak at points, keeps the tension pretty high for the last third of the movie. It’s a great date movie if you want to have your girl grabbing you and seeking the comfort of your embrace.
I think people tend to over analyze movies in general. Horror movies like As Above, So Below, have to be appreciated for what they are – a great excuse to hold someone’s sweaty hand and have your heart rate accelerated every few minutes.