Yep, I dropped a lot of F bombs in this post’s title. Before I ramble on, I wanted to say Happy Thanksgiving to you all. If there’s one thing I’m grateful for (actually, there are many), it’s all of you who wander over to my blog and read my books and just keep me going. You are all bad motor scooters and mean go-getters.
I also want to give thanks to fellow author and horror douche (his words, not mine), Jason Brant for being on the Monster Men. We actually shot 2 episodes with Jason because we had such a good time. The first one is all about found footage movies. Just when I thought the subgenre was done, a slew of new flicks flooded the market this year. Jack, Jason and I go through a bunch, telling you which ones to seek out and which to avoid.
As you can see, I found my cowboy hat in the bottom of my closet just before we started filming, much to my wife and daughters’ chagrin. My youngest asked me if I was going to a rodeo, since I was also wearing a flannel shirt and jeans.
Just a quick update on the writing front, my next cryptid novel is in the hands of my beta readers and line editor, aka my sister. As soon as I sent it out, I got to work on a little novella that promises to be a demented ride straight to hell. If all goes well, expect 4 new books in 2015, plus some short stories.
And now I’ll leave you to your turkey and booze and football. Enjoy the long weekend.
Some time ago I posted a slew of Bigfoot movies where you could settle down and get your squatch on. Well, it’s time for an update because there is no shortage of cryptid interest out there and a whole lot of fiction books about our hairy cousins…at least by marriage. Here are some of the books and movies I’ve devoured over the past couple of months.
DEEP DARK WOODS BY TY SCHWAMBERGER
Of the Sasquatch books I’ve read and downloaded lately, this has my favorite cover. And the story inside doesn’t disappoint. Yes, there are folks trapped in the woods being hunted down by one pissed off BF, but the plot twist at the end is a huge, sick payoff. Ty is a very good writer and obviously loves his subject. This one did win kudos for mentioning the big guy’s dong several times. One of the hornier squatches you’ll ever want to meet. I give it 3 1/2 out of 5 squatch prints.
THE LAST GUNFIGHTER : SUDDEN FURY BY WILLIAM W. JOHNSTONE
OK, I know this seems like a strange one. It’s also proof that Bigfoot and I are somehow psychically connected. I was in the bookstore one day specifically to buy a couple of western novels. If you’ve read my book HELL HOLE, you know I dig a good western yarn. Amazingly, the first one I pick up concerns a logging company being driven out of the forest by what appears to be a Bigfoot. Well, I had to get it. I won’t give away whether there’s a cryptid or not stalking the woods, but damn this was fun. Gun slinging and searching for Sasquatch? Count me in. 4 out of 5 squatch prints.
SKOOK BY WILLIAM R. BURKETT JR.
I literally got this book because I liked saying the title – over and over again. Drove my kids crazy. Turns out this is a damn fine story about a man and his young son and the terrifying encounters they have with a posse of Skooks – which, of course, are squatches. There’s actually a generations-old agreement between the skooks and ‘chosen’ humans who live in relative peace, but sometimes lines are crossed. There is an attack at a cabin that actually left me breathless. Worth it for that scene alone. 4 out of 5 squatch prints.
HUNTING THE LEGEND
Moving on to movies, I’ve found at least a dozen squatch flicks that have been made over the past 15 years. I’ve got a lot of squatching-watching to do! I started with this one on a cold morning with time to kill. For some reason, Bigfoot leads itself to found footage. Not sure why. This one has some kid bent on revenge because Bigfoot killed his daddy when they were on a hunting trip years earlier. The acting is what you’d expect. I’m not going to say to run out and see this one, but if it’s free and you have some downtime, check it out. There are parts by the end that are a bit creepy. 2 of 5 squatch prints.
I have been dying to see this Bobcat Goldthwait movie ever since I heard about it well over a year ago. Again, found footage. But this time it’s done right. A couple goes to the site of the famous Patterson-Gimlin film to see if BF is still lurking about. There’s a slow build up with some genuine laughs. Of course, they’re warned not to go there, which they ignore. Once they settle into their tent for the night, things go ape shit. It’s just the camera trained on them reacting to the sounds outside. I was tense as hell – and I’m one jaded old horror fan. I dug it, and now I have to find a way to own it. 4 1/2 out of 5 squatch prints.
Do you have any Bigfoot gems I may have missed? Share it with the class. You never know. If I like it, I may just give you a reward.
Let me start off by saying 2014 has been the worst year for horror movies in recent memory. Searching for anything new worth watching has been like hunting for truffles with a pig with a sinus condition.
Theatrical releases have been paltry to say the least. When OCULUS is the movie to beat, things are bad. So naturally I was chomping at the bit to see AS ABOVE, SO BELOW. I don’t think I’ve logged on to Twitter in the past month without seeing a tweet about the movie. Their marketing push has been big time (and if I’m seeing it all the time, they know their target audience). Plus, the catacombs under Paris have always intrigued me, so it became a must-see.
Now, be warned, this is yet another found footage flick. Once I realized this, I was accepting that there would be logic holes, as in – why the hell are they still filming when they should be running? And I knew there’d be enough shaky handheld camerawork to make my lunch bubble up my esophagus.
That being said, I actually enjoyed the movie. Like Alien and The Descent, it preys on our fear of the dark and tight, cramped places. The only thing that can make it worse is the knowledge that something sinister is lying in wait in the stagnant pitch. If you’re claustrophobic, you might want to bring a Xanax to the theater and the number to your therapist.
Although it takes a while to get to the actions, once it starts, it never lets up. Yes, there are jump scares that you see coming, but even a hardened vet like me was given a start several times. It’s loaded with creepy sounds and images that after a while make it feel as if you’ve jumped on the haunted house ride from hell. Speaking of hell, if priests could convince people that what lies within these catacombs is a preview of an eternity in hades, churches would have to be expanded to house everyone with a pulse.
The story centers around a young, pretty professor named Scarlett who is the female equivalent of Indiana Jones. Her lifelong search for the fabled Philosopher’s Stone, that alchemistic magical stone that can turn common elements to gold and grant eternal life, has brought her to the catacombs under Paris. With a seasoned team of urban explorers, she hurdles without trepidation to a place far deeper and more terrifying than corridors lined with bones and skulls.
I’m not going to spoil things here. The acting is better than most found footage films and the story, though weak at points, keeps the tension pretty high for the last third of the movie. It’s a great date movie if you want to have your girl grabbing you and seeking the comfort of your embrace.
I think people tend to over analyze movies in general. Horror movies like As Above, So Below, have to be appreciated for what they are – a great excuse to hold someone’s sweaty hand and have your heart rate accelerated every few minutes.