Tag Archive | Just Add Water

Book Deal of the Week!

Howdy Hellions! While I’m out and about on vacation this week and getting ready to jump into a brand new career next week, I just wanted to pop in and let you all know that MAIL ORDER MASSACRES is now on sale for just 99 cents-a-roonio! “Whaaaaaaat?” you say. That’s right! For the same price as a McChicken on the McDonald’s dollar menu, you get three insane novellas all rolled into one! I’m not sure how long this sale will last, so grab it while you can. 

Mail Order Massacres

Sea monkeys. 3-D specs. Hypno-coins. Ant farms. Kryptonite rocks. Miniature submarines made from cardboard. All available for a buck or less from the back page of comic books. And we blew our weekly allowance on these rip-offs, only to be disappointed when they turned out to be total crap. But what if these bogus products had side effects not advertised? In horror master Hunter Shea’s MAIL ORDER MASSACRE, sometimes you do get more than you paid for . . . JUST ADD WATER It’s been years since David and Patrick flushed away the dead Sea Serpents they got in the mail. After thriving in the toxic stew of pollution, strange, slimy creatures now rise from the sewers. Once the screaming starts, David and Patrick realize that their childhood pets really did come to life. With a vengeance. They’re massive monsters. . . and ravenous for human flesh! OPTICAL DELUSION Martin punishes his son for wasting his allowance on a pair of cardboard X-ray specs. But when Martin tries them on, he’s stunned to see through walls and clothes. But the novelty becomes a waking nightmare when the glasses burn into his face and he starts seeing horrifying apocalyptic visions no mortal man was ever meant to see. Images that turn him from a husband and father to a bloodthirsty homicidal maniac . . . MONEY BACK GUARANTEE With her son’s heart set on piloting his own nuclear submarine, Rosemary orders the craft advertised on the back of a comic book. But when her son nearly drowns in the swimming pool, an enraged Rosemary complains to the Better Business Bureau. The company’s customer service center retaliates with threatening phone calls. Then her son and husband disappear. Now it’s all-out war. Plus, Rosemary wants her $1.99 back! Praise for Hunter Shea “A lot of splattery fun.”-Publishers Weekly

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All 3 Mail Order Massacres Now In Print!

That’s right, all 3 novellas in the Mail Order Massacres series – JUST ADD WATER, OPTICAL DELUSION & MONEY BACK GUARANTEE, are now in one collection, aptly titled MAIL ORDER MASSACRES. It’s is officially available today in both ebook and print.

Mail Order Massacres

Sea monkeys. 3-D specs. Hypno-coins. Ant farms. Kryptonite rocks. Miniature submarines made from cardboard. All available for a buck or less from the back page of comic books. And we blew our weekly allowance on these rip-offs, only to be disappointed when they turned out to be total crap.
 
But what if these bogus products had side effects not advertised? In horror master Hunter Shea’s MAIL ORDER MASSACRE, sometimes you do get more than you paid for . . .

JUST ADD WATER
It’s been years since David and Patrick flushed away the dead Sea Serpents they got in the mail. After thriving in the toxic stew of pollution, strange, slimy creatures now rise from the sewers. Once the screaming starts, David and Patrick realize that their childhood pets really did come to life. With a vengeance. They’re massive monsters. . . and ravenous for human flesh!
 
OPTICAL DELUSION
Martin punishes his son for wasting his allowance on a pair of cardboard X-ray specs. But when Martin tries them on, he’s stunned to see through walls and clothes. But the novelty becomes a waking nightmare when the glasses burn into his face and he starts seeing horrifying apocalyptic visions no mortal man was ever meant to see. Images that turn him from a husband and father to a bloodthirsty homicidal maniac . . .

MONEY BACK GUARANTEE
With her son’s heart set on piloting his own nuclear submarine, Rosemary orders the craft advertised on the back of a comic book. But when her son nearly drowns in the swimming pool, an enraged Rosemary complains to the Better Business Bureau. The company’s customer service center retaliates with threatening phone calls. Then her son and husband disappear. Now it’s all-out war and Rosemary wants her $5.00 back!

ORDER YOUR COPY TODAY! 

Mail trilogy

Hear The Carnage! MAIL ORDER MASSACRES Trilogy Now An Audiobook

Once again, the folks at Graphic Audio have knocked it out of the park. The’ve gathered all three of my Mail Order Massacres novellas (JUST ADD WATER, OPTICAL DELUSION & MONEY BACK GUARANTEE) into one absolutely wild audiobook, complete with an astounding cast, monster sound effects and chilling music.

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If you click over to Graphic Audio, you’ll get to hear a sample of JUST ADD WATER and hear the ravenous sea serpents begin their assault on the people of Virginia Avenue. This is an audiobook like no other. Listen to it with headphones on at night and I promise it will freak you out!

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO A SAMPLE AND GET YOUR COPY TODAY! 

#FreeBooks and Fireworks

In honor of Independence Day, I’m going to give away 4 copies (for the Fourth of July…get it!) of my Mail Order Massacres novella, JUST ADD WATER, to the first 4  people who sign up for my Dark Hunter Newsletter. And even if you’re not among the four, new subscribers also get a free copy of my alien abduction terror, DARK MASTER.

Click here to enter. 

Good luck and don’t forget to watch the Nathan’s hot dog eating championship. It’s always a big event in the Shea castle. Team Joey Chestnut!

Just Add Water Large ad

New Mail Order Massacres Release – JUST ADD WATER

The very first of my Mail Order Massacres novellas, JUST ADD WATER, has leapt from the pages of comic books and into homes everywhere! Did you ever order Sea Monkeys from a comic book as a kid? In JUST ADD WATER, two boys tear the order form from a Wonder Woman comic for a chance to own the Amazing Live Sea Serpents. That was their first mistake.


Just Add Water Large ad

GROW AMAZING LIVE SEA SERPENTS!

It’s fun! It’s easy! They only cost a measly dollar. Just clip out the ad in your comic book. Then ask Mom to mail it in. A few weeks later, receive a packet of instant Sea Serpent dust. Then:

Just add water . . . and watch them grow!

WHAT COULD GO WRONG?

Just ask David and Patrick. Their “instant pets” are instant duds. They don’t hatch, they don’t grow, they don’t do anything. So they dump them into the sewer where Dad pours toxic chemicals . . .

WAIT UNTIL FEEDING TIME.

It’s been weeks since David and Patrick thought about those Sea Serpents. But now, small animals are disappearing in the neighborhood. Strange slimy creatures are rising from the sewers. And once the screaming starts, David and Patrick realize that their childhood pets really did come to life. With a vengeance. They’re enormous . . . and have a ravenous hunger for human flesh . . .


All of the books in the Mail Order Massacres series are quick, nostalgic, humorous and gory trips back to the late 1970s and early 1980s. All are based on what you used to be able to order from the pages of comic books…gone horribly wrong. Optical Delusion comes out in August, followed by Money Back Guarantee in October. For now, sprinkle your Sea Serpents in your tank and watch ’em grow! Have a gun nearby.

JUST ADD WATER is only $1.99, just like all those comic book goodies back in the day!

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Now, if you stuck with me this far, answer this question for a chance to win a free copy of the book. What did you want most from those comic book wonders when you were a kid?

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