This is the second go around with this post for me. You see, I spent 2 hours this weekend putting together a comprehensive list of my 13 favorite horror flix for 2014. The kicker is that WordPress lost the post entirely. To my credit, I didn’t cry or curse or break anything.
So, here I am again, once bitten, twice shy. My reviews are short and sweet this time around, but you’ll all get the point.
I was very worried that I wouldn’t be able to find 13 horror movies worth noting this year. As of July, Oculus was my top pick. Egads! Thankfully, things picked up in the second half and I had a good group to choose from.
So, before WordPress deletes this post and me in the process, on with the show!
#13 – ALL CHEERLEADERS DIE
Funny, dark, twisted and downright strange at times. Come for the pretty cheerleaders, stay for the ultra strange story. Undead cheerleaders and magic go together like PB&J.
Sexy, gory and deliciously decadent. Paz de la Huerta oozes sex as a nurse by day who kills wayward men by night. A lesbian attachment to a new nurse is the catalyst for a nuclear explosion of a third act with enough blood to feed a colony of vampires.
Another solid horror flick from the James Wan gang. It has some genuinely creepy jump scares and a demon that’ll turn your bowels to water. The Annabelle doll is nothing like the actual possessed doll now under glass in the Lorraine Warren museum. Worth the watch while you wait for The Conjuring 2.
How do you top a movie about Nazi zombies? Pit them against Russian zombies! The comedy in this is as sharp as Dead Alive and the gore is goregeous. I think it’s even better than the first.
I LOVE alien movies. I picked this over Extraterrestrial by the Vicious Brothers because I felt this one was actually more frightening. The scene in the tunnel is worth the price of admission.
If you’re claustrophobic, this movie may land you in the nuthouse. Think Indiana Jones running around the Paris catacombs, that are terrifying in their own right. This is a very, very strange movie with tons of scary imagery. I compared it to the big daddy of funhouse rides.
I scoured the planet to find this Bobcat Goldthwait Bigfoot flick. A squatchman like myself couldn’t resist. The movie starts funny and gets downright eerie. The protracted scene of the couple in their tent makes for the tensest moment in horror cinema of the year.
This came out of nowhere and shocked the hell out of me. A ‘found footage’ possession movie that works! The actors look like real people and the mystery and scares are genuine. A great find on Netflix.
The Aussies know how to do horror. Mr. Babadook is a Dr. Caligari-esque children’s book that goes on to possess a 7 year old boy’s mother. Or is she? Turns out, she blames the boy for the death of his daddy on the day he was born. Great performances and a nuanced story with some super creepy moments.
I’m a Ti West fan, and I think this is his strongest movie yet. Set in a Jonestown-type compound, what makes this chilling is knowing that something like this can and has happened. The performance by Gene Jones as Father, the head of the cult, is the best of the year.
Another alien movie, this one centers on a young couple on their honeymoon at a family cabin during off season. Starring Rose Leslie (Ygritte on Game of Thrones), this one is sexy, scary and at turns, gut churning. A must watch.
Demented. That’s all I can say about this one. Oh, and funny, desperate, tragic, sick. Two down on their luck old friends get pulled into the orbit of a couple who make them do dumb shit for money. How far would you go to make easy cash, especially when you’re in desperate need of some greenbacks? Love this movie.
I know this won’t top anyone else’s list except maybe Bobo from Finding Bigfoot. What I loved is that this is a squatch movie where you actually see Bigfoot – and he’s pissed! Bigfoot has never been more terrifying. Fans of my book Swamp Monster Massacre will know exactly why this is my top flick of the year. Give me angry squatches and I’m yours.
Yep, I dropped a lot of F bombs in this post’s title. Before I ramble on, I wanted to say Happy Thanksgiving to you all. If there’s one thing I’m grateful for (actually, there are many), it’s all of you who wander over to my blog and read my books and just keep me going. You are all bad motor scooters and mean go-getters.
I also want to give thanks to fellow author and horror douche (his words, not mine), Jason Brant for being on the Monster Men. We actually shot 2 episodes with Jason because we had such a good time. The first one is all about found footage movies. Just when I thought the subgenre was done, a slew of new flicks flooded the market this year. Jack, Jason and I go through a bunch, telling you which ones to seek out and which to avoid.
As you can see, I found my cowboy hat in the bottom of my closet just before we started filming, much to my wife and daughters’ chagrin. My youngest asked me if I was going to a rodeo, since I was also wearing a flannel shirt and jeans.
Just a quick update on the writing front, my next cryptid novel is in the hands of my beta readers and line editor, aka my sister. As soon as I sent it out, I got to work on a little novella that promises to be a demented ride straight to hell. If all goes well, expect 4 new books in 2015, plus some short stories.
And now I’ll leave you to your turkey and booze and football. Enjoy the long weekend.
Some time ago I posted a slew of Bigfoot movies where you could settle down and get your squatch on. Well, it’s time for an update because there is no shortage of cryptid interest out there and a whole lot of fiction books about our hairy cousins…at least by marriage. Here are some of the books and movies I’ve devoured over the past couple of months.
DEEP DARK WOODS BY TY SCHWAMBERGER
Of the Sasquatch books I’ve read and downloaded lately, this has my favorite cover. And the story inside doesn’t disappoint. Yes, there are folks trapped in the woods being hunted down by one pissed off BF, but the plot twist at the end is a huge, sick payoff. Ty is a very good writer and obviously loves his subject. This one did win kudos for mentioning the big guy’s dong several times. One of the hornier squatches you’ll ever want to meet. I give it 3 1/2 out of 5 squatch prints.
THE LAST GUNFIGHTER : SUDDEN FURY BY WILLIAM W. JOHNSTONE
OK, I know this seems like a strange one. It’s also proof that Bigfoot and I are somehow psychically connected. I was in the bookstore one day specifically to buy a couple of western novels. If you’ve read my book HELL HOLE, you know I dig a good western yarn. Amazingly, the first one I pick up concerns a logging company being driven out of the forest by what appears to be a Bigfoot. Well, I had to get it. I won’t give away whether there’s a cryptid or not stalking the woods, but damn this was fun. Gun slinging and searching for Sasquatch? Count me in. 4 out of 5 squatch prints.
SKOOK BY WILLIAM R. BURKETT JR.
I literally got this book because I liked saying the title – over and over again. Drove my kids crazy. Turns out this is a damn fine story about a man and his young son and the terrifying encounters they have with a posse of Skooks – which, of course, are squatches. There’s actually a generations-old agreement between the skooks and ‘chosen’ humans who live in relative peace, but sometimes lines are crossed. There is an attack at a cabin that actually left me breathless. Worth it for that scene alone. 4 out of 5 squatch prints.
HUNTING THE LEGEND
Moving on to movies, I’ve found at least a dozen squatch flicks that have been made over the past 15 years. I’ve got a lot of squatching-watching to do! I started with this one on a cold morning with time to kill. For some reason, Bigfoot leads itself to found footage. Not sure why. This one has some kid bent on revenge because Bigfoot killed his daddy when they were on a hunting trip years earlier. The acting is what you’d expect. I’m not going to say to run out and see this one, but if it’s free and you have some downtime, check it out. There are parts by the end that are a bit creepy. 2 of 5 squatch prints.
I have been dying to see this Bobcat Goldthwait movie ever since I heard about it well over a year ago. Again, found footage. But this time it’s done right. A couple goes to the site of the famous Patterson-Gimlin film to see if BF is still lurking about. There’s a slow build up with some genuine laughs. Of course, they’re warned not to go there, which they ignore. Once they settle into their tent for the night, things go ape shit. It’s just the camera trained on them reacting to the sounds outside. I was tense as hell – and I’m one jaded old horror fan. I dug it, and now I have to find a way to own it. 4 1/2 out of 5 squatch prints.
Do you have any Bigfoot gems I may have missed? Share it with the class. You never know. If I like it, I may just give you a reward.